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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I’m walking back, feeling all inspired, when I bump into my mate, Jake. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what happened!” Apparently, he was at the Beachlands Market and saw a guy juggling flaming torches. I’m like, “No way!” He’s all hyped up about it, and I’m just thinking, “Only in Beachlands, right?”

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